In my heart is a mixture of emotions. I feel sad, I feel frustrated, disappointed, and stressed. I don't want to leave my beautiful home with a rooftop, in this quiet neighborhood, where my garden is growing and where my best friend just lives down the street!!
Yet in the midst of this torrent of emotions is a calmness and security that only comes from God. Knowing that He is holding this life of mine in His hands and He knows what is the best for me. Even if at the time it doesn't seem like the best, and its not what I want...He has proven Himself faithful and trustworthy. Every time life hasn't gone the way I had hoped, in that time there has been treasure to be found, there is another chance to know Him in a deeper way, to see how He will show up and come through. There is purpose beyond what we can see. Haven't I asked for this? To know Him more? He is my peace in the midst of what seems unknown, scary and stressful. And so the battle rages on within me, between that place of peace and security and all the feelings of frustration, stress and even at times fear. Yet He is there in the midst of my struggle. Oh how good it is to have One who is constant and secure regardless of the circumstances of this life.
Last time we moved I really struggled, I had put my hope and security too much in a place and it rocked me more than was good, to have to move. Through that time I learned where my heart was. God taught me about how He is my security, the One who is worthy of all my trust and security. If my trust is in Him, regardless of my circumstances, I will not fall when life changes suddenly. Also I learned how much God loves to give good gifts to us and to surprise us with something (a new house with a rooftop) that was so much better than our last place and so much better than I could have imagined. Honestly I can't imagine finding something better than this place, but whatever it turns up to be, I know there is another bit of who God is that He would love to show me. And I want my eyes to be open to see what it is that He is trying to show me.
So yes, I hate this having to move stuff. I really do. But I know there is a God who loves me and has the best for me no matter where I live or how long I live there. And that is what I must cling to. That truth.
Love,
Jessica
I completely relate to you on this girl! You have no idea. We have moved so many times and traveled and switched locations, etc. in the past few years- it's crazy. It's especially hard for me having a child- that she hasn't known the security of "one place" her whole life. But I've learned just what you said... to find security in Him and Him alone. If we call out to be refined by the fire, He takes us seriously. I try to consider it a privilege to know Him in suffering... thinking of you knowing He has a great new place in store for you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Casey for your comment and for your understanding. I know I'm not the only one who has been through this type of thing. Thanks so much for thinking of us through this time of change!
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